I'm Home

She drives me nuts. Today on the flight she had a tantrum that lasted for about 10 minutes. Screaming, yelling, crying. Total freakout. Inconsolable. (Except by R, the most patient person on the planet. Who won 7 out of 8 rounds of airplane trivia, the smug bastard.) All day every day we say the same things over and over again. Don’t do this. Do this. AB, if you don’t do X I will do Y, one. If you don’t do X I will do Y, two. If you don’t do X I will do Y… I AM ABOUT TO SAY THREE! Three. I do Y. Shock. Why are you surprised? You knew the consequences. We are consistent. We do not cave to tears. She tries my patience like nothing in my life ever has. Absolutely everything is a fight. Get your jammies on. Come here. You know you are not allowed to do that.

She drives me nuts.

And then it happens. I come in late from working downstairs in the hotel, tired and feeling unappreciated. She is awake. Suddenly I am the only person she wants to see. I am the one she wants to hug. Never mind that she is just done with Daddy and coming up with an excuse to get out of her bed. She wraps her arms around me and wraps her legs around me and I hold her and I feel my body relax. My shoulders unwind. My blood pressure falls. My eyes close. There is nowhere else I want to be.

Then later the next day she plays with me on Marta, "catching fish," and staring deeply into my eyes as I explain a complicated series of events. She shows me with her eyes and her questions that she understands. She is a little girl, and I could not be more proud of her.

Little monster.

We flew/traveled all day. I’m tired. Vacation is over. I am sad.

I do not handle vacations ending well. Say it with me. At least I know it. We get to do it all again in a month, in Savannah. Maybe we won't spend $3500. I'm putting good money on that. But not $3500.

It's midnight here. It's 9:00 p.m. to me. AB is not asleep yet, but should be soon. Luckily I'm tired enough to fall asleep right here and will be making short work of the bedtime ritual. Go watch some stupid movies.

--
R: What the...?
AB: What the fuck?!!
Mommy: Bwahahahaha (muffled) (If I believed in hell I'd be in a fast car barrelling toward it.)