Jesus Christ!

We're having dinner at Subway. It's Krogering night. Two separate incidents caused me to laugh so hard I cried.

The first was when AB held out a pickle to R and said, in our best preachy voice, "Try it, you might like it." This is how we get her to try things. That's when I got an evil glint in my eye and said, "I'll try it, AB." R shot daggers from his blue eyes and I grinned.

Bit of back story. R doesn't eat anything other than bread products, meat, cheese, fries, pizzas, beanless all-meat chili that he makes, apples, popsicles, fruit smoothies and the occasional barbeque sauce. Nothing else. Nothing. No lettuce, no tomatoes, special orders do upset him. If something on his plate touches a pickle he asks me to take it. If his Chick-fil-A sandwich has a pickle he won't eat it. He's that picky.

She hands the pickle to me. I look at him. He says, "fine, eat more than half of that and I'll eat the rest." I did. He put it in his mouth and oh so obviously took a drink to swallow it whole. So cheating. AB didn't notice. He also gagged on it and nearly horked up his drink, but managed to get the pickle piece down his gullet. I. Was. Rolling. Rolling!

Not more than five minutes later R is packing up the part of his sandwich he didn't eat because the bread was stale. It was a lot of bread. AB peers over and says:

"Jesus Christ! What was wrong with your sandwich?!"

I'm turning away from her, stifling the laughter that is boiling out of me. Her inflection was perfect. We've never heard her say that, ever. We limit how often we say that, even. I had to get up and go to the bathroom to 1) guffaw wildly, and 2) wipe my streaming eyes. It was perfect.

Jesus Christ! This was a funny post!