Poolside Blindness

I am white. I am so white my white parts have white on them. I blinded three people today. At least they were staring at me in wonderment, so they either were about to go blind or I had popped a teat.

My new suit almost passed the teat popping test on its first trip out. I always keep the suits that slip a nip. It makes going to the beach so, so much more interesting. Don't you think? Yes.

I wanted to make funny faces and/or squeeze cleave for you with some kissy faces, but my MIL was sitting beside me and already wondering what the fuck I was doing taking self-portraits by the pool. I will be the subject of some serious speculation there.

I'm sure I don't care.

Tomorrow we're watching some kind of horrible parade and going to the fireworks. I'll try to bring the camera and snap some humanity for you. Island people can be serious blog fodder. So if we don't make it to the beach today we won't be going. I personally am not pushing for it.

Did you know that I know Sandra Bullock? Oh I totally do. I call her Sandy. That's how good of friends we are. This morning on my run I swung by her place and had a long conversation with her security camera. They were saying she didn't recognize me and shit. Sandy! Baby! What's up with that? How's that delicious husband of yours? The grease monkey? I'll bet you guys are holed up having some fun. I get it. I'll come back later, OK? Great. Kisses! MUAH!

I'll try again this afternoon. What? Stalker? Stalk her? No never. I just love her. Ever since that movie where she drove the bus and she was so goddamn cute and approachable with that little bob haircut. I've never stalked anyone.

Seriously. If he tells you I have he's lying.

That's called e-stalking.

MUAH!