Things You Learn While Drinking Heavily

I'm still a little zoned out today.

Last night was a blast. Here are some things I learned.

-East Atlanta takes 35 minutes to get to from my city, at reasonable-Author speeds with no traffic.
-My city takes 45 minutes to get to from East Atlanta, at "had a couple"-Author speeds with no traffic and constant cop scanning.
-The IronHorse Bar has fantastic hummus. Greek salad also acceptable.
-Mist (not her real name) is a real, live, gut-holding, stitch-checking fucking riot. And she's HOTT. And smart. Did I mention funny?
-Drunkards are drunkards wherever you go. They have not changed in 13 years.
-The Graveyard rocks. Eat and drink there. They make the smoothest Ketel One Cape Cods I've ever tasted. I nearly pulled some calamari off a band meal. He wouldn't have minded.
-Red-headed bartenders who dig your friend will bring you free drinks - even with Frangelico. I'm cute, but I'm not the one he was eyeballin'. (That was the theme for the night and I never cared for one single moment.) They will also top off your drink with cran if you say you're nursing it to let your lightweight companion (ahem) catch up.
-Texting is not a word, and Mist will not acknowledge your use of it.
-Husbands are funny in text messages after you've had four drinks. Very funny after six.
-Every woman has her own pussy posse. They are known as the Monistat Three. I had no idea. Superheroes they are.
-Firehouses are cool.
-Firemen are cooler.
-I cannot remember the word Slampiece. Maybe now that I've seen it I will remember it.
-Women are the new men.
-There are lots of bikes in East Atlanta, but no drivers trustworthy-looking enough to take a pair of drunk ladies women for a ride.
-Some people just KNOW how to walk.
-Some people just know how to trip.
-Chewing ice is a sign of low iron.
-"You're WHAT! Does your FATHER know???!!!"
-I don't sleep well after a night of drinking. I probably shouldn't do it often.
-Chocolate covered strawberries taste fucking GOOD after a night of drinking.

That's all I remember. If I remember more I'll add them separately. It was a blast. I'm trying to focus on work. Shoo.