The Biggest Dick

Oh my gawd it was HUGE. Amazing. Unbelievably huge. I wish I had taken a photograph so I could show you. The hugest Dick's I've ever seen.

So we walk into Dick's Sporting Goods store and I immediately head for Ladies' apparel. Start pulling shorts. (Is there a pun there? Likely.) AB starts this adorable thing where she hides in the clothes and peeks out at us. I try on the shorts. Too short. Head over to men's. Grab the first black pair I see and try them on. Bingo. And for $15 less. Perfecto. Start toward shoes. Avery is looking at a mannequin. The following conversation ensues.

AB: Is this a man-a-kin?
R: Yes. It's a woman. She has breasts. (Likely the first thing he noticed.)
AB: (Yelling) Just like Mommy!

Walk over to shoes. Become overwhelmed by the selection. How do you pick from a wall of running shoes? The helpless salesperson walks over. Says some things that are not helpful. I say some things that are very helpful. He zeroes in on the most expensive shoe. Maybe they weren't that helpful. I want to say, "Dood, I do not run 30 miles a week. I do not need those." But I refrained, because I'm a huge puppydog and I did kinda want to feel them on.

Let's interrupt this story to fill you in on something I learned about running shoes (thanks, Mr. Galloway, and thanks Mr. Medin for recommending him). For what I run I don't need top of the line. For what I run, since I'm not having any problems with shin aches, foot pain, etc., I do not need to have my pronation checked. Hence I do not need to drive downtown or to Marietta to get on the little track thing and have someone tell me I run normally (though goofily) and that I don't need special shoes. Or tell me I do, when I don't. Also Galloway told me to buy new running shoes before the old ones are completely worn out to intersperse them. This helps break in the new ones, and allows them to dry completely should they get all sweaty and whatnot. Sounded good to me, hence the trip to the Big Dick's. (Note: I later do go to the Treadmill Place downtown, but that's another post.)

I put them on. Here's the funny part. Dick's has a little track around their shoe department - AND I TOOK A FEW LAPS AROUND IT! Oh my gawd I'm the hugest retard on the face of the earth! Granted, AB trailed after me and it was a big game and we had fun, but I'm still a retard for doing it. And for thinking it was fun.

They were great, but I wanted to compare with a more appropriately priced model. I tried on a New Balance. Didn't like them. So I tried on another (read: less expensive) Saucony and it was exactly as comfortable as the bells and whistles model. Sold!

I ran with them this morning and they were fine. No blisters, no issues. They do have more cushion in the heel, so I run more on the balls of my feet, which will likely figure itself out as they break down a bit. Overall I am very happy with my new purchase, and I am trying to resist wearing them everywhere and running everywhere I go. Because, again, I am a retard.

I'm sure there's lots more funny to be told, but I gotta run. Metaphorically speaking.

So go read some Constant Winter. She has some of the most creative blog titles I've ever seen.